


The Visiting Privilege

by Squid_Ink



Series: Glue and Duct Tape [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: :P, Angst, F/M, I don't and stick to canon unless it's important to the plot, I think its that, It's kinda sad, Sad, This is like after Avengers 1 but before Winter Soldier, by Joy Williams, i kinda like it, irunno, it feels lit ficcy, its all after everything anyway, or maybe after Winter Soldier and this ended differently, title from short story collect, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 05:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15701133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squid_Ink/pseuds/Squid_Ink
Summary: Sometimes she'd drive him to visit Peggy. Afterwards, they'd go to her favorite Russian place and have Russian comfort food. This was her visiting privilege after all.





	The Visiting Privilege

It wasn't any sort of routine. Most of the time he went by himself, leaving after work and going down to the garage and leave without a word to anyone. Other days, days when things got to him she would be down there, leaning against her car with a knowing look in her eyes. "Hey," she would say and tug his sleeve. He'd comply and get in and they'd drive off in silence.

Today was one such day. Steve was having a rough day, it was the anniversary of his sacrifice and he kept replaying it in his head, she assumed that's what he was doing because he had a distant haunted look in his eyes. He was going to visit after work, and something in her told her that he shouldn't be alone for that. She never gone in with him, feeling that it would a breach of their unspoken stipulation about this little arrangement. She finished up her paperwork quickly, snagged her jacket and was down in the garage before him. "Hey," she said, offering him a small smile.

"Hey." His blue eyes were downcast, he walked slouched, shoulders bunching around his head. For a man that normally held himself tall and proud, he looked utterly defeated; and he walked passed her. She frowned reaching for his hand, deftly linking her fingers with his. "Nat—"

"C'mon." She gave a little tug, he resisted for a heartbeat before coming with her and getting into her car. They drove off in silence, he didn't like music on these trips.

"You don't have to do this," he said.

She glanced at him as she pulled into traffic. "I know," she said a smile on her face. She made a left, heading towards the nursing home. He reached for her hand though, squeezing her fingers so tight she winced, but she didn't tell him to let go.

The nursing home was white, beige and tried to project a soothing element. Yet, looking at it Natasha knew people came here to die alone without their families. Families dropped off their elderly relatives because they had no time to take care of them, to visit them or because they simply didn't want to. She parked beneath a tree, the branches providing afternoon shade. "Do you want—"

"No." He shook his head, staring at the sign and the staff with their elderly patients. He let go of her hand and got out of the car. She left it one, idling as the air condition pushed cool air through the car. She pulled out her phone and began to play Angry Birds. It was a good time killer, she liked blowing up the green pigs. She looked up when the car door open and noted the tears in his eyes and the tracks on his cheeks. She went back to her phone, finishing the round.

"Buckle up," she said as she put the car into drive. She heard his seat belt click and him sniff, wiping away his tears.

"She didn't recognize me," he whispered as she drove away. "The nurse said she's better in the morning but… she didn't recognize me."

"I'm sorry," she said, and made a right, heading towards the Slavic district of DC. She heard him let out another shuddering breath and then blew his nose with an undignified honk. She kept her eyes on the traffic and the signs gradually went from pure English to a mix of English and Cyrillic.

Parking lot was tiny, behind the rundown building, the back wall covered in graffiti. Only a few cars were parked, but there was always a spot for her. She befriended the owners soon after she joined Shield. They always left a spot for her. She parked and stepped out, drinking in that sour funk mixed with gravel, concrete, car exhaust and cooking oil. She could hear people talking in various Slavic languages, cars rumbling down the street, the coo of pigeons and the caw of a crow. "Hope you're hungry," she said as they walked to the entrance. He gave a mute nod, shuffling in his loafers with his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He was shivering despite the heat and humidity.

The owners had saved them a spot in the middle, the decorations reminded her of Imperial Russia and Russian folk music came through the speakers. Shady fellows in the gloomy corner spoke softly, a few eyeing her but she gave them a viper-smile and they went back to their business talk. The waitress, a pretty buxom blonde gave them menus. Steve didn't pick his up, hands wedged between his thighs and he stared at it. She looked over the menu, gazing critically at the familiar dishes. She found her some singing softly to the song that was playing, remembering her childhood, before the KGB came and took her away. "Zharkoye sound good?" she asked. He gave a little shrug. She wasn't offended, she always ordered for him. The waitress came back with some water for them and she ordered: zharkoye for him and a borscht for her. "Steve?" she asked, nudging his shin with her foot. He just gave a dejected sigh and wiggled his foot away. It must have been a pretty bad one. She knew that Peggy had her good days and bad days, but most of the time she recognized Steve and was lucid for most of his visit. By the depressed body posture, she figured that wasn't the case here.

Their food came, and she had to nudge him again, coaxing him like a child, to eat. He methodically. She tried to inject some life into him, a bit of chatter, but he answered in monosyllables or just gave a dejected shrug. She finished first and had to urge him a bit more so he'd finish his food. She paid once the waitress returned to collect their plates and drove him home.

* * *

She walked him to his apartment door, giving Sharon a tight smile. She had spied on them having coffee once, and ever since then had made an effort to intervene between Sharon and Steve. Steve seemed to be oblivious to it, but Sharon knew how to take a hint. He unlocked his door. "Uh… good night," she said.

"Stay?" he asked, his voice soft and raw and broken by unshed tears. "I don't want to be alone right now." Another shiver ran through him. She smiled and nodded.

The inside of his apartment was chic and modern, not one hint of Steve (besides his shield, shoes and a few jackets) anywhere on the apartment. Everything was picked out for him, pre-made and manufactured by Shield. "I need to take you shopping," she said, realizing that the apartment didn't feel like a  _home_. It felt like an apartment. A place where he came to sleep and little else. Small wonder he stayed at the office so late all the time. She wouldn't want to come home to an  _apartment_.

"Why? I have furniture," he said.

"I know, but I'm not taking you shopping for that. I'm going to take you shopping so you can give this place more of a personal touch. So, it can feel like a  _home_." She looked at him, watched the emotions dance behind his eyes.

"It's… alright," he said.

"Go take a shower, I'll put on a pot of tea and then we can watch a movie," she said. He nodded and went down the hall to the bathroom. Last time she was here, he had belted out an Irish folk song — off key and his Irish needed serious work — but this time all she heard was the water running and the kettle working. He came out a few minutes later, smelling like hot water and soap, dressed in pajama bottoms and a button up plaid pajama top. She pouted, standing on her tip toes as she brushed his hair to the side.

"Thanks," he mumbled as she pressed the steaming mug of tea into his large hands. She nodded and picked up her own mug, clinking it with his as she giggled softly. That got him to flash he a small smile. They headed to the couch and snuggled up, watching a Disney movie. Steve ended up dozing and when it was over, she turned the TV off and stood. "Where you going?" he asked in a sleepy voice.

"Home, it's almost midnight," she said. She always left after the movie. Always. It was an unspoken part of their unspoken agreement.

"Stay." He sat up a little more. "Please."

"Steve, I—" she watched him look away. He was so lonely, so broken, so  _lost_  in a world both familiar and alien. The one link to his past — the woman he loved no less — was dying slowly as her mind withered away. He had no one.

And she had to be a jealous bitch and drive the one woman that  _could_  and probably  _should_  be here with him, away. "I can get Sharon?" she offered. He shook his head.

"Don't want Sharon," he said, "it's  _weird_  between us." He looked at her. "Kinda like how it's weird for siblings to y'know…"

"Yep," she said, nodding. "I got it." She cracked her knuckles with a sight. "Alright, lemme go down to my car. I have a bag of clothes. I'll be back in a moment." She offered him a reassuring smile before heading down to her car and snagging her bag. She came back just as quickly and dipped into his shower. She didn't have a toilet tree of her own, so she used his soap and shampoo.

She finished and found him staring at a picture hung up on the wall. It was a generic picture of a bird. "I'm going to take the couch, if that's okay with you?"

"Yeah, it's fine. I'll get you a blanket and a pillow," he said and shuffled into his bedroom to get those things. She watched him make up a bed for her on the couch. "There you go," he said, "goodnight."

"Night, Steve," she said as he shuffled back to his room. She sighed, flopping onto the couch. It had a noticeable Steve shape divette in the couch. It broke her heart, realizing he slept on his couch most days. She wiggled, trying to get comfy enough to sleep.

* * *

She awoke to a loud crash from the back room. "Shit," she swore, grabbing the pistol on the table. Tiptoeing with the speed and grace of a ballerina, she pressed herself against the corner near his door. "Steve?" she called, there was no answer. "Steve, I'm coming in," she said and turned the hand. Leading with her weapon, she swiped from left to right before entering. The room was dark, empty. No sign of Steve, but the window wasn't busted open and his bed was rumpled as if he through the covers off in a hurry. Nothing. She lowered her weapon. False alarm.

Someone grabbed her pistol, tossing it aside only to shove her onto the ground. Steve loomed over her with wrath and terror darkling his blue eyes, lips peeled back in a snarl. The moonlight glinted off his shield, held over his head. "Steve! It's me! Natasha! Steve!" she shouted, feeling fear creep up her spine. "Steve, it's me Natasha! Your friend!"

He blinked, relaxing as whatever memory ensnared his mind faded away. All she saw in his eyes now was regret and sorrow and the profound sense of lost. "Nat…" his shield slid off his arm; it made a dull thud. "I… I'm so, so sorry."

She sat up and put a hand on his shoulder and when he didn't push her away she pulled him into a hug. "It's okay, I understand." She did. She had her share of nightmares too, waking up half asleep and attacking in the darkness, believing that the demons of her past were physically there. "It's okay. It's okay."

He cried into her shoulder and she crawled into bed with him, holding him and singing a lullaby to him. When she woke up the next day, she woke to see Steve's face, relaxed in sleep.

The next time he went to visit Peggy she went with him and when they returned to his apartment, she stayed. It felt more like a home now, with things he picked out, a few things from her place, and a few things they picked out together. And instead of watching a movie, they went to his room and she comforted him in a different way.

**Author's Note:**

> MCU (c) Marvel Studios
> 
> Save an author; leave a review
> 
> Nemo et Nihil


End file.
